Sunday, December 13, 2009
photobucket.com image by louisemary08 - a bokeh
I'm not feeling in my best mood today. In fact, I'm really feeling down. I'm lonely and I hate feeling that way, especially around this time of year (or anytime for that matter, but especially around the year end holidays). Yes, I can go out and be with people. That's nice, but I still come home to an apartment without another human being here. Of course, I know having someone in your life doesn't necesarily make life all peaches and stuff, but still having the option is sure nice. There are relationships where one person or the other abuses the partner in some manner.
I could have gone to a pot luck at one of the poetry readings. And, I can go to a poetry reading tonight. However, when I get in these moods, I just feel even lonelier when I'm with people. I'd really love to dive into a tub of Extreme Moose Tracks ice cream, but I know I won't do that.
Yesterday, when I was waiting at the bus stop, in the pouring rain, a young couple came to stand there and wait for the bus, too. This young woman complained about all kinds of things about her boyfriend. He'd just spent $500 on her and she was whining that he didn't buy her an iPod when she wanted it. He kept telling her he would buy one for her later on and didn't she have this thing or that thing? But no, she didn't want to hear it. I told her anytime she didn't want a nice guy, which is what he appeared to be and one that treated her well, I would take him (of course, they were young enough to be my children) ;-) I told her that I had to do and buy everything myself. Personally, I wanted to take this little brat over my knee and spank her. Naturally, I didn't do that.
It isn't that I'm not grateful for what I have in my life. I definitely am. I have a Saviour who loves me even though I'm not perfect and died to save me from sin. I have a cat who loves me unconditionally, and I'm blessed with a beautiful apartment and other possessions. It's just that one thing that's missing from my life that God has never seen fit to bless me with - a caring, committed relationship.
Well, now, I just had to get that out. Writing like this is supposed to make me feel better, but I still feel lonely. It's still just me, my tv, my computer, and my cat. Guess I'll get under the covers for a while and get warm with a hot cup of tea.