Empathy or Sympathy?

"...I'm holding out my only candle, but it's so little light to find my way..." ~Jackson Browne, "Song for Adam"~

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Ecclesiastes 7:3 "Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better." (KJV)

I don't think by this verse, the writer (Solomon?) meant that I am to be sad all the time. My thoughts are that he meant that when I am sad, I empathize with others, that I can feel their pain. Ok, this is just my interpretation, so I could be wrong.

For some reason I'm very deeply affected by several events (among others) going on right now which are not in the direct circle of my life. One is the tragedy of the earthquake in Haiti. The other is that one of my friends is doing what he can to find a home for his mother's cat a home. His mother recently died and he's unemployed. The two events have nothing to do with each other, but for some reason I feel them deeply.

I have the disability of manic-depression and one of the characteristics of it is that I have the ability to see more than one side of a situation. I've written about it before - it's like a heightened perception. I have always perceived others' sadness or pain as a part of myself - I can feel it. I feel especially powerless since I can only pray for the situation in Haiti. But, for my friend's cat, I've been checking as many resources as I know of to see about finding the kitty a home.

Today, I think my lesson is that I can only do what I can. If all I can do is pray, then this is the job God has given me to do. I accept that.

Michelle Rose

Missing Blessings

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I'm not feeling in my best mood today. In fact, I'm really feeling down. I'm lonely and I hate feeling that way, especially around this time of year (or anytime for that matter, but especially around the year end holidays). Yes, I can go out and be with people. That's nice, but I still come home to an apartment without another human being here. Of course, I know having someone in your life doesn't necesarily make life all peaches and stuff, but still having the option is sure nice. There are relationships where one person or the other abuses the partner in some manner.

I could have gone to a pot luck at one of the poetry readings. And, I can go to a poetry reading tonight. However, when I get in these moods, I just feel even lonelier when I'm with people. I'd really love to dive into a tub of Extreme Moose Tracks ice cream, but I know I won't do that.

Yesterday, when I was waiting at the bus stop, in the pouring rain, a young couple came to stand there and wait for the bus, too. This young woman complained about all kinds of things about her boyfriend. He'd just spent $500 on her and she was whining that he didn't buy her an iPod when she wanted it. He kept telling her he would buy one for her later on and didn't she have this thing or that thing? But no, she didn't want to hear it. I told her anytime she didn't want a nice guy, which is what he appeared to be and one that treated her well, I would take him (of course, they were young enough to be my children) ;-) I told her that I had to do and buy everything myself. Personally, I wanted to take this little brat over my knee and spank her. Naturally, I didn't do that.

It isn't that I'm not grateful for what I have in my life. I definitely am. I have a Saviour who loves me even though I'm not perfect and died to save me from sin. I have a cat who loves me unconditionally, and I'm blessed with a beautiful apartment and other possessions. It's just that one thing that's missing from my life that God has never seen fit to bless me with - a caring, committed relationship.

Well, now, I just had to get that out. Writing like this is supposed to make me feel better, but I still feel lonely. It's still just me, my tv, my computer, and my cat. Guess I'll get under the covers for a while and get warm with a hot cup of tea.

Lessons for the Tutor

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December 1, 2009,
Tuesday

On Wednesday I found out that I lost one of my students, meaning I no longer tutor him. Naturally, I was very upset about it, since I'd worked very hard to make a connection with him and find out just how to get him interested in what I was teaching him.

I later found out that it wasn't because of my teaching style, but because the mother didn't want me teaching her son because I couldn't speak Spanish. I am going to miss tutoring this student, since we were beginning to have fun with the lessons.

When I tutor, I put more than 100% effort into how I tutor. I have had students in the past whom I could not get interested in working with me, no matter what I did, but we went through the whole number of hours assigned for the semester. And I learned lessons from the students - about what and what not to do.

Ok, I've moved on from this experience. It may or may not happen again, and as my coordinator said, I'm not the only tutor that has had this experience. The thing that I realize is that my God has something else for me, which will probably be even better. He takes care of me and I trust that He will always do that because that's what He promised me.

Note: Also, if you like these lessons and want to pass them on to others, please feel free to do so. I thank everyone for the comments they make on them.

Michelle Rose

Peace...

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I always imagine peace to be someplace where it's quiet, like beside a rocky stream in the woods with no people around and just the sounds of nature to soothe me. Yes, that's peace. But from my experiences peace can be found in the middle of a crisis or a noisy, crowded place (I'm thinking a sidewalk in NYC). ;-)

It can even be found in the middle of heartbreak. I remember several years ago when I was living in a place where I was very unhappy and lost both my cats I'd had for a very long time within weeks of one another. My heart felt crushed and I was afraid to love, fearing that anyone or anything I did love, well, that something bad would happen to them. Someone I was very good friends with then reassured me - many times over - that this was not true. Even in the middle of this I managed to find peace - it may have been temporary, but I still found it.

Now years later and after going through many more crises after, I understand that peace - something I heard years ago - is not separation from the storm, but in the midst of it. Not easy to do, but once I was sure of my faith in God, it became more of a certain feeling, because He is my peace.



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