Tuesday, December 1, 2009
And Who Am I Really?
(Yes, this is what I feel like)
Image from Photobucket by Freekittin2000
Yesterday, my friend Don asked me to lead a poetry writing workshop and short meeting for the Poetry Festival we're having next year. Without hesitation I said yes. It's something I've done before, so I know what to do, and the group is made up of people I mostly know, except if some newcomers attend it.
Today I started thinking, "Oh, can I really do this? What if everyone doesn't like the poems I pick or how I lead? (or whatever...)" Then I realized that Don would not have asked me if he didn't have confidence in me and my ability. So, instead of remaining in the fear, I started choosing poems for inspiration. I realized that my fearful feeling and lack of self-confidence is an old one. So, I can kick that critic to the curb!
For most of my life, I've thought of myself as a follower and acted the part. But now, I'm slowly breaking out of that roll and starting in a new one. I can take the lead and feel confident that I will be successful, not just for the workshop but in other areas of my life. God didn't create junk when He made me. He created me as a unique and beautiful creation in His eyes, and that's how I see myself.
Another friend of mine, Jean, said this in a email, "You know, even though we've never met. You've came along ways, doing better, feeling much better about yourself. You're looking, feeling better about things in Life, etc. Being more positive about things too. You have really improve[d] yourself and doing things to better yourself." Thank you so much Jean. You can't imagine how nice that made me feel.
Ok, not everyday is sunshine and roses. I do have my moments when I'm "dark and twisty," but I don't allow myself to stay there. I work at being a positive, upbeat, and confident person. I've learned to be the kind of person who takes lemons and makes lemonade, since I know the ups and downs of life are part of the cycle of each moment through the years. I know who I am more today than I ever did and I like the person I've become.