Friday, November 20, 2009

This and That...Attitudes

Several things went through my mind today.

I finally had my MRI. It was like agony and ecstacy. I have a bit of restless leg syndrome and my muscles cramp easily if I don't move them because of the fibromyalgia. During an MRI, you can't move or it will mess it up. The closed MRI only takes about 12 minutes, but I don't like being in the small tube. The open MRI takes a half hour and today it appeared to be the longest half hour of my life willing my arms and legs not to move, and telling myself the cramp in my back was ok. That was the agony. The ecstasy was when the technician finally opened the door and told me I could move. It hurt so badly to move, that I nearly started crying, but I did slowly and finally moved normally.

Next I went to Ralph's to grab a small lunch from their salad and olive bar, afterwards going outside to eat it. One of the employees tried to talk to me. I was so hungry that I didn't want to talk. Later, after I finished lunch, I noticed that this young man had hearing aids in both ears and he is employed taking carts in from the parking lot and who knows what other simple jobs he does. I also noticed that he appeared to have had some kind of emotional disability. I felt so ashamed. He wanted to just be friendly and I couldn't stop to do that even for a minute.

When I came home I made a couple phone calls. One call resulted in finding a senior site where they had a whole page of jokes written by seniors. Even though I wanted to make dinner (which I finally did), I could not stop reading these jokes and laughing. How good it felt to let loose and look at life from the funny side.

So, within the space of less than a day, I've experienced three different levels of emotions and feelings, among others. My emotions, because of the disability of bi-polar disorder, once spun out of control in sharp peaks and dives. Now, medications level me off, but situational depressions still return - not as often and not as deep as they once were.

When I think about these 3 times during the day, I know that first I did the best I could during the medical procedure - and it was quite difficult. Next, I could have changed my attitude and talked to the young man. And last, I laughed freely. Through all of this God was right there - encouraging me, nudging me to change my attitude, and providing emotional relief.

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