Mothers

Mothers
May 7, 2011

Hannah’s Prayer of Praise

1 Then Hannah prayed: “My heart rejoices in the LORD! The LORD has made me strong. Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because you rescued me. 2 No one is holy like the LORD! There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God. 1 Samuel 2:1-2

I have to admit, I could not remember who Hannah was; I had to look it up. She could not have any children by her husband, Elkanah. His other wife, Peninnah cruelly tormented Hannah. Now, Hannah and her husband went each year to Shiloh so they could worship God. One year she prayed she prayed, "Dear God, if You will only give me a son, I will give him back to You, to serve You all his days." God wasn’t about to deny such a woman who was this faithful to Him. A son was born to Hannah. She named him Samuel and he became a great king.

Being a mother is an important job. One, or so I’ve heard from my friends who are mothers, that is the toughest one in the world. I’ve never been a mother, but I remember all the things that mine did for me, even when I was a less-than-grateful child or adult. She taught me so much and while I did not agree with all her beliefs, I respected my mother for her love through my whole life – even until her last days on earth.

Here is a poem I’ve written about my Mother. I miss her so much. And to all you mothers reading this – I wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day.

Michelle Rose

In Praise of My Mother
Mary Frances Angelini
b. 7/4/1920 – d. 2/19/2000

I’m sure some days
you wondered who I was.
And you may have asked yourself,
Was I the daughter
that you carried for nine months?
Was I the baby that you so lovingly
raised to adulthood?

No, we didn’t always get along,
but there were times we laughed
and cried together over silly,
situations in our lives.

Mom, this poem is challenging
for me to write, since you can’t
read it. It’s difficult, too, since
you can’t see what kind of adult
I’ve become or whether I learned
any of the lessons you taught me.

Maybe your way of encouraging me
to succeed didn’t use the words
I wanted to hear, but you never
stopped believing in me.
.
I want you to know
I’ve become an adult
of whom you’d be proud.
I write poetry
I keep the precepts you taught me
I love plants and gardening
I remember the good times
when you were alive.

If I could say one thing to you now,
it would be that you did a good job
of raising me.
I hope you are proud
of the daughter you bore
and named because it sounded
musical. I hope that the angels
surround you with music that
pleases your ears.

In the Midst of Praise

In the Midst of Praise
May 1, 2011

1”In that day you will say:
Although you were angry with me,
your anger has turned away
and you have comforted me.
2Surely God is my salvation:
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and
my song;
He will become my salvation.”
3With joy you will draw water
from the wells of salvation.

4In that day you will say:
Give thanks to the Lord, call on his
name;
make known among the nations what he
has done,
and proclaim that his name is exalted.
5Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious
things;
let this be known to all the world.
5Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of
Zion,
for great is the Holy one of Israel
among us.
Isaiah 12:1-6

I couldn’t help but include this whole chapter, maybe the shortest in the book of Isaiah. Yesterday when I was feeling down, and asked God to help me find something in the Bible that would help me, this is the first verse to which I opened.
After that, I thought, well, what’s the best praise song I know, and the Doxology came to mind. So, I sang it until I felt better.

Tonight’s God’s Tug will be short, since this was a lesson I’ve learned in the past and I have a feeling God will teach it to me until I know it by heart.

I’ve become somewhat lax about posting God’s Tug – I apologize for that. Not just for the fact that others (many I don’t know) receive courage and inspiration from it, but also because God has directed me to do these writings.(and we all know what happened to Jonah when he ignored God) ;~D

God’s blessings upon you, your family, and your furkids (if you have any).

Michelle Rose

A Dog's Loyalty

A Dog’s Loyalty
April 19, 2011

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be. ~Holbrook Jackson

The dog is the only animal that has seen his god. ~Author Unknown

We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults. Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment. ~George Eliot

I talk to him when I'm lonesome like; and I'm sure he understands. When he looks at me so attentively, and gently licks my hands; then he rubs his nose on my tailored clothes, but I never say naught thereat. For the good Lord knows I can buy more clothes, but never a friend like that. ~W. Dayton Wedgefarth

You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Quotes from http://quotegarden.com (as were the ones about the cats last night)

Continuing on the thread I started last night and will continue through the week (ok, can you guess where this is going?), I will “spotlight” dogs. So, what do dogs have to do with God? When dogs are in bad situations and they are rescued, they become loving companions. When, I as a human do bad things, my God does not stop loving me. That is true of a dog no matter what situation they are in. I have seen documentaries where they say that a dog will do anything to please its master. I, too, do all I can to please my Lord, my Saviour because one of these days, when I die, I will face Jesus in Heaven. The two quotes above I like best are the ones by George Eliot and Robert Louis Stevenson. I long for love and although I have many friends who love me, and maybe somewhat unconditionally, none come as close as the canines I’ve encountered. Now this doesn’t mean my friends don’t love me – they do. Dogs are just very sensitive to someone’s feelings and nature. (shhhh, don’t let Sasha hear me saying this!) ;~D And will I see the dogs who went to heaven? Ones I’ve grieved for? I hope so because I think God put them in my life and on earth to let mankind know how loyal He is. And on the flip side of that - just how loyal am I to God? Only I can answer that in my heart and spirit.

And now, to end on a touch of humor, since my eyes are getting a bit misty…(I know those of you who own dogs will understand).

I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl. ~Penny Ward Moser

May God bless you, your families, and your furkids (if you have any).

Michelle Rose

By God's Grace & Glory

By God’s Grace and Glory
April 14, 2011

11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. 12 O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee. Psalms 85:1-2 KJV

I have been going through many things lately: the ugly, the bad, & the good. Here’s how I see it – not through my eyes, but through the eyes of the Lord.

God, I hurt physically so much, but thank you God that I’m alive.
God, I have very little money, but thank you Jesus that I have some money in my wallet.
God, I have overdrawn my checking account, but thank you Father that I have a couple friends who lent me the money to cover the overdraft.
Father, I’m lonely, but thank you God that I have friends who love me and a cat to keep me company.
God, I hurt today when I went to an AA meeting, but thank you God that I was able to get there and that I’m sober (I know many people struggle with getting and staying sober).
God, I’d love to be able to help people more than I do, but thank you God that you’ve provided a way to help people one day at a time through the internet.
God, I don’t have very many clothes to wear, but thank you Jesus for the clothes I do have, since I know that many people have less than I do.
Jesus, sometimes I dislike living in one room, but thank you Jesus for the roof over my head, since I know that many people are living on the streets out in the heat and cold.
Father, I haven’t been working much lately, but thank you Father for the hours that I am tutoring and for the extra work that has been promised to me by my company.

So, this is my list for now; however, I’m sure that I can add so much more. Today I was thinking that all the bad things that are happening to me right now are the evil one attacking. Yet, by God’s grace and glory, I am blessed. He watches over me and protects me. I praise you God. I praise you Jesus. No one will take me from your hands. I know that.

Michelle Rose

God's Love

God’s Love
April 13, 2011

1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
2 Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
3 Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.
Psalm 136:1-3 NIV

Great thoughts and a pure heart that is what we should ask from God.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

library.timelesstruths.org/music/The_Love_of_God/ Here are the lyrics of a song that tells about God’s love.

I have this image in my mind of seeing a couple mothers nursing their babies when they were in public places. It touched me because of the beautiful look of love I saw on their faces while doing it. Ok, maybe some of you mothers who have had children and nursed them may not agree with me, but I think this site is one of the most wonderful. And there are mothers who don’t love their babies and children this way. You might think I’m sappy, but it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

Then, I segue into thoughts of how much God loves me and it’s beyond my comprehension. My mind can’t contain the whole of this concept because there is no end to how much He loves me. Only through the birth of His Son, who died to become my Saviour can I wrap my mind around how much I’m loved. Some days when I’m feeling down, I have a hard time with the depth of His love, but it doesn’t last long. God never stopped finding ways to show me how much He loves me. It’s incredible to think that someone like me, who doesn’t deserve His love because of my sins, should be forgiven by the blood of Jesus. I am loved by the Father, saved by the Son, and guided by the Holy Spirit. I am guided through this life until I see my Saviour face-to-face. Little babies are miraculous beings – totally dependent upon their families. Sometimes, I crumple in my adulthood and become childlike and needy, just wanting to sit on my Heavenly Father’s lap and have His arms around me. And you know what? He’s never too busy to do that for me because His love endures forever. Hallelujah!

May God’s blessings rain down on you, your families, and furkids (if you have any).

Michelle Rose

A Path for My Feet

A Path for My Feet
March 24, 2011

105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119: 105 KJV

I have a feeling that this verse of Psalm 119 is one of the most quoted. Each day I wake up and sometimes don’t know which direction to go. I usually start my day by reading a mediation from Charles Stanley’s In Touch and praying for everyone on my prayer list – it’s grown quite large. Most days I want to do several things at once and don’t know which ones to do first. Well, for me, I do cleaning tasks before I make something to eat. It’s just a habit I’ve gotten into. Maybe it’s because I feel more comfortable knowing that if I do certain tasks first, I’ll feel more comfortable sitting down to eat. However, during the day, God guides me places that I don’t think I’ve planned to go when I go out. At times, I encounter someone to whom I’ll give a compliment (I’m very outgoing) and they mention it’s exactly what they needed. Many days I’ve encountered Wendy, one of my neighbor’s daughters. Wendy has several mental and emotional disabilities. The last time I saw her she was with her mother and had on a new pair of glasses. Previously, when I saw Wendy, she walked along the sidewalk and sometimes in the street, picking up trash. This last time I saw her, I complimented Wendy on her glasses and she replied in the clearest voice I’d ever heard her speak. My heart was so happy for her. I don’t know whether it was the glasses or maybe a combination of medications Wendy was finally taking or both that made the difference. I’m just glad that God directed my feet to see Wendy and her mother. God’s Word is the Light that guides my feet in the direction the Lord wants me to go. No other book does that for me, although I do read other books. The Bible keeps me on the path I need to travel and soothes my spirit so I am washed in the serenity I long for. God blesses me in the most unusual ways – big and small.

Who's Really in Charge Here?

...yes, she might, but I'll bet God whispers them in her ear.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Ok, I'm back after a few days of struggling with depression and new realizations. Today, in my morning reading in Charles Stanley's meditation, I found a phrase that fits my life so well. The verse for today was Philippians 4:5, but it's impossible not to read it from verses 4:4-7, then skip down and read Phil. 4:13, 19. The title of today's morning meditation was, "A Reason for Confidence." The sentence I found was, "And sometimes false guilt creeps into our minds and robs of assurance." BINGO!

So, just when I least expected it, I found the answer for a reason for the way I've been feeling much of my life. The question now has an answer. Thank you God! It's true, that the answers are in the Bible.

Today I went out and joined a gym that I'd been a member of before when my insurance company paid for it (but I never went). The monthly membership fee is low enough that I can afford it, even if I don't find work right away. The gym will be my place to be good to myself - an escape for me - a mini-vacation each day I go. I can start working on my health matters.

The other day, with everything that happened, I was so upset that I couldn't stay a member at the other gym I'd joined. AHA! God always has a plan. God knew, and so did I in my heart, I couldn't afford that gym. Ok, ok, I admit it, God's smarter than I am. He knows what's better for my life than I do. I think that's a very good reason to let Him guide me through life and follow what He wants me to do. (Looks up and says, "Ok, I hear you God. I'm listening.")

Michelle Rose

Grumpy, grumpy...What?

Photo from photobucket.com by findstuff22

All day I have been checking my bank balance. Nope, the deposit didn't go through. I've been feeling quite down about that. Ok, tomorrow's Thanksgiving and I had planned a nice vegan menu, but I can't do it because I have around $6 in my checking account and a couple dollars in quarters.

But on the tail of these self-pitying thoughts came others. Some people can live a whole month on $6, while I only have to wait for a couple days to get my deposit. I have food in my refrigerator. Ok, it's kind of empty, but there's food in there. Some people go to bed and wake up hungry. They wish they had a refrigerator and food. Children and babies in third world countries cry from the hunger they feel and die from lack of food. I am nice and warm in my apartment. Other people, like the homeless in Los Angeles (and many other places) sleep on concrete and have no roof over their head. I am in fairly good health and I have medical insurance and doctors to take care of my medical needs. People in 3rd world countries and even here in the United States die from diseases that medicine eradicated many years ago. I have a computer, phone, cellphone, television, MP3 player, alarm clocks, a bathroom with a toilet, shower and sink, plus other luxuries some people only dream of having.

So...what do I have to be grumpy about? NOTHING! It never fails to amaze me how much I have that many others would do with what I have for a longer period of time. My Saviour, Jesus, had no home, no food in a refrigerator, no place to lay His head. Yet, He sacrificed everything for the sake of my forgiveness and salvation. Sometimes I can be so fixated on material things, when concepts like friendship, love, kindness abound all around me.

I hope that everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving.

Michelle Rose 

Ripples of Peace

Images from photobucket.com by Laurieanon.


"If I live in peace and peace lives in me -- I am a tiny stone plopped into an ocean -- My existence makes only small ripples -- But as my motion moves it joins with others -- Each touching makes the disruption grow -- Until the many tiny ripples become a tidal wave -- To wash away the beachfronts of fear and hate."   ~Chrystine Julian, a California poet and musician~

I don't know if Chrystine coined this quote herself or found it somewhere, but it certainly gives me pause to think about how I act and what the results are. Today my 6th grade math student really tested my patience, since she was up and down all through the 2 hour session. I let her slide a little bit, but I really wanted to superglue her to the seat. This was an example of just keeping quiet most of the time, but letting Adrianna (my student) know in a calm way what I expected of her.

The same is true for how I relate to other people. I see so many things that people do that just don't make sense. Mostly, it's not my place or business to say anything, so I keep quiet. Yet, I notice that when I'm at peace, it shows to others and they react in kind. Everyday, I do what I can to say something nice to someone - a small compliment, a little help when I see they need it, or just smiling at someone. I've gotten some very good reactions, but even if I don't, I know I feel good inside from my effort. Isn't this what God wants us to do? Relate to others in the way He says in the Bible, to love others as we love ourselves. Isn't this the way of peace?  

Freedom

"The roots of true achievement lie in the will to become the best that you can become."  ~Harold Taylor~

As I was walking home from the farmers' market today, I thought about freedom. Freedom comes in many forms - personal, physical, mental, financial, emotional, and governmental (and probably more). I have learned quite a bit about freedom in my life with the experiences I've had and the lessons these experiences have taught me. I don't smoke, drink, or use drugs, so I have freedom from substance abuse. I don't drive a car, so I have financial freedom from the expense of owning one. I don't own a house, so I don't have the expense of upkeep and repair. I don't eat certain foods, so I've lowered my risk of certain diseases.

Yet aside from all of this, when I think about freedom, it goes much deeper than that. I think true freedom comes from within - from the way I look at life and how I process my environment. I don't have to own many of the material possessions that some people feel equate freedom - and to them they might and that's ok. Although I do have certain possessions in my life and they help, freedom comes from the beauty I see around me, a God in my life and His love, good memories of times like yesterday - a bunch of poets and teachers having dinner after a poetry reading, or being in a quiet apartment with my cat next to me. Freedom is an abstract concept although it can have concrete manifestations.

Most of all, freedom is looking back from where I've come to where I am now and not worrying about where I'll be going, since I know that's not in my hands, but in the hands of someone greater than I am.

The following is a poem I wrote about a picture I saw online for another project I'm writing poems for - the return of people to the internment camp at Manzanar. One photo struck me particularly. Maybe this is what started my thinking about freedom.

pierced heart

in darkness my heart
is pierced by that from
which i can't escape

an unwilling
prisoner of hate
not because of what

i am only because
my association with
events make me who i am

free me to love again
as i once did unwrap
this wire from my spirit
 

Joy of Life

"I define joy as a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace - a connection to what matters." ~Oprah Winfrey~

I woke up this morning in a wonderful mood. I ate breakfast and then left to go to the bank, the pet store, the library, the health food store, and Albertson's (food store). In fact, I didn't just ride there, but took the bus to the bank, then walked from there to the other places, then walked back down again almost to Vermont and Prospect.

As I was walking up the hill to the pet store, library, and healthfood store, I realized that, "Gee, I'm out before 12 p.m. and I'm exercising!"

I was feeling quite well most of the day, then when I was tutoring my student, a ferocious headache descended on me. Still, I was not going to let it ruin my day. I think it happened because of something I ate today. I appear to be getting more sensitive to certain foods.

I finished the book, The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite, by David A. Kessler, MD. This book examines and approaches compulsive overeating from such a different viewpoint, not only from the point of view of the compulsive overeater, but also the food and diet industries and others. It's an incredible book and has helped me immensely. I am more aware of what I eat and the results of eating certain foods. This, to me, is part of the joy of life, that I have made a breakthrough in something that has controlled me for many, many years.

Before and After

This morning in reading my morning meditation - the scripture reading - from Charles Stanley's In Touch, I saw a picture of myself. Not that I didn't know what I was like before, but it said it so plainly that I am grateful that I am a Christian.

Galatians 5:19-26

19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25 Since we life by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Charles Stanley says: "The key to living a life of joy, peace, and victory is found in Galatians 5. Notice that I did not say a life without conflict or one free of temptation, trial, or heartache. Those are part of the human condition. But we can triumph through the power of the Holy Spirit.

In fact, today's passage makes clear how vital it is for believers to life a Spirit-filled life."

When I think about the before me, it is evident to me why not only did people not like myself, but I didn't like myself either. Now, self-love has not come immediately and in a big rush. It has taken many years of belonging to Christ (and many, many changes in my life) for me to get to the point where I like myself just as I am, looking like the Michelin tire (wo)man or Pillsbury dough girl and all. ;-) But God does not look at my outsides. He created me with love.

Yes, it took quite a long time to love God's creation (me) the way HE (emphasis mine)  sees me. But I do and I less and less I allow others' perception of me (the negative ones) to influence how I feel. God loves me, He shows me how He loves me. I am becoming (the after me) the person God wants me to become.  

A Magical Day

Today I spent a whole day with cats, dogs, and birds. Well, I wasn't with all of them, but they were at a big event sponsored by Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. Many of you know how much I love animals. I have so many reasons.


Animals
- are God's creatures
- helped me when I was first diagnosed with my emotional disability
- love unconditionally
- expect nothing in return for their love (oh, but we give them so much anyway)
- are therapeutic (for eomtional and physical disabilities)
- understand when we feel happy or sad
- have emotions just like we do
- help me learn some of life's lessons


Ok, I could go on, but those of you who love and/or have animals understand what I'm talking about. When I look at Sasha or some of the animals I work with at the shelter, or other animals in my life, I see God's handiwork. Of course, some animals, like my neighbor's dog, Buddy, aren't so friendly, yet I still see a creature God created. If I didn't see the unbeautiful along with the beautiful, then I would not be looking at life with open eyes. And many times, my work with animals and just being with animals helps me to get along with and understand people. Maybe not everytime, but the lessons are there.


I'm blessed to have Sasha in my life and all the other cats and animals that have been in my life and are now gone. This is one way God's shown me that He loves me.

The Sting of Loneliness

All you really need is the One who promised never to leave or forsake you - the One who said, "Lo, I am with you always." - Joni Eareckson Tada -

The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for and deserted by everybody. The greatest evil is the lack of love and charity. - Mother Teresa -

I found these 2 quotes in Everett Christian's Good Things, which is in my email every day. I'm glad I found them, since the other night I was feeling a bit left out of some things. Okay, but this was just my feeling, not reality.

When I feel lonely, I still remember that Jesus promised He'd never leave me. And through all kinds of situations, day in and day out - He's with me. His promise is as good as His word. And the fact that I know Jesus is always with me, well, it takes the sting out of the feeling that I'm never alone. Never. I may not be with people, but I'm with the God who created me and no one knows me better.

So, next time you think that you're alone, don't look down. Look within your heart and up to the heavens. There is where the One who will never leave you is. And He's the best friend you'll ever have. I know it's true for me.

Self-Acceptance

"We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter." Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 105

Recently, I returned to AA meetings. Being with other recovering alcoholics and working a program feels good, very good. One problem I consistently struggle with is self-acceptance. I've always measured myself by the yardstick of how others look and feel. After 30 years of sobriety it's become better and I look not so much at others, but look to myself and how I can become more of the person I want to be with God's guidance.

When God looks at me, He does so through the blood of Christ Jesus, who shed it for my forgiveness. It makes sense then, that I look at myself not from my own point of view, not through others' eyes, but through God's eyes. I may not be perfect, but God loves me just the way I am, because of Christ's intervention. That's an amazing thought.

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I would like to hear from those who read this blog. If something I say helps you or touches your life. Please feel free to leave comments. Thank you.

Surprising Changes

Today started out wonderfully. I slept well last night and managed not to wake up during the night. I made it to the womens' AA meeting I tried to get to last week. They were on Step 10, "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." I believe when I write these Lessons from Life, I'm doing just that. In the 3 years or so I didn't go to meetings, I continued to work the program.

On Saturday and today, I took a cake for 30 years of sobriety. Today two other women took cakes also. It was nice to share our sober birthdays with each other and the group. Womens' meetings have always been special to me, since I we can share things in them that we can't in mixed meetings.

After the meeting, I went to lunch at my favorite vegan restaurant, went downtown and bought a pair of silver studs to replace the one I'd lost, so I can have two matching earrings, then went to Out of the Closet (thrift store) and bought a pair of pants and 3 shirts. The shirts were colors that I previously would not have considered - yellow, dusty pink, and red. Mostly what I wear are dark colors or grey. I believe God is changing my heart and thoughts about myself. I am looking at myself differently than I once did. What an amazing God I believe in who loves me without end. WOW!

Lifting My Heart

The physical pain I've felt the last couple of days has not done much to lift my spirits, but I'm mostly a positive and upbeat person. Today, I decided that I would wear some different colors from the usual grey teeshirts I normally wear. I wore a tangerine colored shirt and lime green socks with some orange in them.

All day long I kept thinking that these colors truly lifted my spirits, in spite of some annoying things that happened. But was it truly the colors that made me feel better or God providing what He know would help me?

Before I left for work, I was chatting with my friend from high school, Howard. He'd lost his cellphone and was quite upset about not being able to find it. He asked me to pray for him, telling me that I always had prayer warriors in Florida. I'd like to think that I'm as strong a prayer warrior for others who need it, praying for them without asking. Sometimes one of my friend's names will come into my mind, and I know I must pray for them, not even knowing why. If nothing else, praying for them helps me know I'm helping them, even when I can't do anything more.

Today's message in my daily reading was about the disciples wanting to sit at the right and left hands of Jesus. He told them that if they wanted to be glorified, they must become servants. In praying for others, I become a willing servant and it lifts my heart in ways that many other actions or words can't.

Forgiveness

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Forgiveness

“…bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” ~Colossians 3:13 New American Standard Bible~

“I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.” ~Henry Ward Beecher~

Today I watched an incredible movie, “Maria Goretti.” It is about an Italian peasant girl in the early 20th century. Alessandro (one of the other villagers) could not accept her devotion to God and killed her when she would not give in to his selfish desires. Although based on a true story, I don’t know how close the movie is to reality. The fascinating part about the dvd is because of Maria’s faith, she forgave Alessandro for killing her. In 1950, Maria became a saint.

After watching “Maria Goretti,” I thought about my life and the people who hurt me. I don’t know how many times (probably countless) I’ve brought up someone that did me harm. In my prayers, I’ve done a cursory forgiveness, but never truly forgave them, otherwise the matter would be settled. I wonder, if someone did me enough harm to kill me, would I be able to forgive them?

These two quotes are quite significant, because when Jesus died on the cross to forgive sins, He did not look back and bring them up again. He forgave me and that’s the end of it. It should be that way when I forgive someone for hurting me. I have so much more to learn about forgiving someone.

Michelle Rose

Lessons from Life - Weekend

Lessons from Life, Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Plans of Mice and (Wo)men

For the second time, I took the wrong medications in the morning. I took my night-time medications and had to go back to bed, since they make me sleepy. Ok, so I had a nice 4 hour nap and when I woke up, I was still quite drowsy.

The lesson here is not that I need more sleep, but to look first at my medications before I take them. To avoid this kind of mishap occurring again – since medication mix-ups can sometimes be more serious than just a nap – I’ve labeled the pill vials I use for my medications – “Day” and “Night.” A simple solution that I should have done the first time it happened. Lessons learned.

My gratitude for today is that I did get some extra sleep (possibly making up for the hour I lost at the beginning month?). LOL! But, it also gave me time to rest my back, which I’d injured on Friday, plus my knee, which I injured the beginning of February.
Resting in My Father’s Love, Michelle Rose
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Lessons from Life, Sunday, March 29, 2009

Humor Makes Life Lighter

I love to laugh, and sometimes I laugh at myself. Yet with the day I had today – it was difficult physically, I still managed to find time to laugh. Jesus, my Saviour, has walked me through some incredibly tough times. He’s never left me, even when I can’t feel Him there. Just as humor makes my life lighter – laughing at how silly I can be for worrying sometimes – so does Jesus make my life lighter by carrying my burden. This doesn’t make me laugh, but brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart thump just a bit harder, knowing Jesus loves me this much. His love of carrying my burdens makes it easier for me to laugh.

Yes, my gratitude is that Jesus loves me enough to bear what I can’t. As the hymn says, “What a friend [I] have in Jesus…”

Living in the Son-Light, Michelle Rose

E.G.B.O.K.

(If you look closely, you can see a bee inside the heart of this flower. I was once scared of these fascinating creatures, now I love to take photos of them when they land on flowers.)

Lessons from Life, Friday, March 27, 2009

E.G.B.O.K (Everything's going to be OK)

It’s almost over. Almost. But now I owe the city of LA money since I was an independent contractor for 1 ½ years and have to pay back the money I received to file bankruptcy, but on Monday I will file bankruptcy. Today I went to welfare to turn in my letter from SSA so I can receive my money back to pay for my Medicare. It didn’t take much time to take it away from me, but as is usual with the government, it takes them forever (well, around 2 months to return it).

Part 2…My friend Sharon has pointed out on more than one occasion that I don’t do anything to “treat” myself other than with food and that I don’t let out certain feelings when I’m hurting. How true. I don’t know how to reward myself with anything other than with food – it’s been my “shelter” too long. I hide in what I eat – it’s my way to cope. I’m no longer a practicing alcoholic, but I’ve continued my addiction with food, which is sometimes my way of expressing my feelings. I’ve got quite a bit of work to do on myself, now that I don’t have to concentrate so much on overwhelming problems. I have to relearn how to reward myself and to accept the person I am, other than as a person who is always overstressed and dealing with problems, since that’s who I’ve been for longer than I care to remember.

My gratitude today is that I went to the welfare office and didn’t totally freak out by having a major anxiety attack. I’m also grateful I met a guy – whether he calls or not, it was fun talking to him.

Comforted by my Saviour, Michelle Rose