Mothers

Mothers
May 7, 2011

Hannah’s Prayer of Praise

1 Then Hannah prayed: “My heart rejoices in the LORD! The LORD has made me strong. Now I have an answer for my enemies; I rejoice because you rescued me. 2 No one is holy like the LORD! There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God. 1 Samuel 2:1-2

I have to admit, I could not remember who Hannah was; I had to look it up. She could not have any children by her husband, Elkanah. His other wife, Peninnah cruelly tormented Hannah. Now, Hannah and her husband went each year to Shiloh so they could worship God. One year she prayed she prayed, "Dear God, if You will only give me a son, I will give him back to You, to serve You all his days." God wasn’t about to deny such a woman who was this faithful to Him. A son was born to Hannah. She named him Samuel and he became a great king.

Being a mother is an important job. One, or so I’ve heard from my friends who are mothers, that is the toughest one in the world. I’ve never been a mother, but I remember all the things that mine did for me, even when I was a less-than-grateful child or adult. She taught me so much and while I did not agree with all her beliefs, I respected my mother for her love through my whole life – even until her last days on earth.

Here is a poem I’ve written about my Mother. I miss her so much. And to all you mothers reading this – I wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day.

Michelle Rose

In Praise of My Mother
Mary Frances Angelini
b. 7/4/1920 – d. 2/19/2000

I’m sure some days
you wondered who I was.
And you may have asked yourself,
Was I the daughter
that you carried for nine months?
Was I the baby that you so lovingly
raised to adulthood?

No, we didn’t always get along,
but there were times we laughed
and cried together over silly,
situations in our lives.

Mom, this poem is challenging
for me to write, since you can’t
read it. It’s difficult, too, since
you can’t see what kind of adult
I’ve become or whether I learned
any of the lessons you taught me.

Maybe your way of encouraging me
to succeed didn’t use the words
I wanted to hear, but you never
stopped believing in me.
.
I want you to know
I’ve become an adult
of whom you’d be proud.
I write poetry
I keep the precepts you taught me
I love plants and gardening
I remember the good times
when you were alive.

If I could say one thing to you now,
it would be that you did a good job
of raising me.
I hope you are proud
of the daughter you bore
and named because it sounded
musical. I hope that the angels
surround you with music that
pleases your ears.

Self-Love: or Who Is My First Best Friend?

This is how I want to feel - happy to be me and in love with who I am!

I'm reading two very good books. Today, I will quote from one of them, It's Not About Food: End Your Obsession with Food and Weight, by Carol Emery Normandi, MFT, and Laurelee Roark, CCHT (Founders of Beyond Hunger, Inc.), from a section called "Understanding Our Inner Critics."

"If a mother looks at her child with critical eyes and focuses only on the bodily imperfections, then the child learns to look at herself in the same manner. As children enter the school system, their peers have another profound impact on how they perceive themselves. Children who are teased because they are different (overweight, different ethnicity, disabled, and the like) incorporate these negative messages into their developing sense of self." The paragraph goes on to say that as we get older, society and the media play into womens' negative self-image.

"These messages and the body hatred we have integrated into our own thoughts and feelings start to affect everything we do and everything we feel about ourselves. Our inner critical voice attacks not only our body but our mind and soul as well. Self-esteem, self-trust, and self-love erodes. The hatred we feel for our bodies soon permeates our whole being." (pg. 27).

When I was first in AA program I learned that alcoholism is a disease of the body, mind, and spirit. Recovery is contingent with maintaining a daily relationship with a Higher Power (as the program calls it, or God).

As with my other addictions, God is the most important part of my recovery. Without Him, nothing else follows. I have done so much work to overcome my other addictions and to grow as a Christian. I feel this is the one thing that separates me from serving God as an effective servant and Him granting me the answers to some of my prayers. When I am in my eating disorder, I am separated from God.

The actions I'm taking now to not only learn about this disorder, but work my way to recovery are the most stringent I've ever taken. I want to recover and I'm doing everything I can to ensure that. Praise God for being so patient with an imperfect me. He who is perfect loves me just as I am, but loves me too much to leave me this way. He knows the pain I feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He is on my side and will help me love myself for the first time in my life.

Missing Blessings

photobucket.com image by louisemary08 - a bokeh

I'm not feeling in my best mood today. In fact, I'm really feeling down. I'm lonely and I hate feeling that way, especially around this time of year (or anytime for that matter, but especially around the year end holidays). Yes, I can go out and be with people. That's nice, but I still come home to an apartment without another human being here. Of course, I know having someone in your life doesn't necesarily make life all peaches and stuff, but still having the option is sure nice. There are relationships where one person or the other abuses the partner in some manner.

I could have gone to a pot luck at one of the poetry readings. And, I can go to a poetry reading tonight. However, when I get in these moods, I just feel even lonelier when I'm with people. I'd really love to dive into a tub of Extreme Moose Tracks ice cream, but I know I won't do that.

Yesterday, when I was waiting at the bus stop, in the pouring rain, a young couple came to stand there and wait for the bus, too. This young woman complained about all kinds of things about her boyfriend. He'd just spent $500 on her and she was whining that he didn't buy her an iPod when she wanted it. He kept telling her he would buy one for her later on and didn't she have this thing or that thing? But no, she didn't want to hear it. I told her anytime she didn't want a nice guy, which is what he appeared to be and one that treated her well, I would take him (of course, they were young enough to be my children) ;-) I told her that I had to do and buy everything myself. Personally, I wanted to take this little brat over my knee and spank her. Naturally, I didn't do that.

It isn't that I'm not grateful for what I have in my life. I definitely am. I have a Saviour who loves me even though I'm not perfect and died to save me from sin. I have a cat who loves me unconditionally, and I'm blessed with a beautiful apartment and other possessions. It's just that one thing that's missing from my life that God has never seen fit to bless me with - a caring, committed relationship.

Well, now, I just had to get that out. Writing like this is supposed to make me feel better, but I still feel lonely. It's still just me, my tv, my computer, and my cat. Guess I'll get under the covers for a while and get warm with a hot cup of tea.