Rituals

Rituals
April 18, 2011

If the pull of the outside world is strong, there is also a pull towards the human. The cat may disappear on its own errands, but sooner or later, it returns once again for a little while, to greet us with its own type of love. ~Lloyd Alexander

The ideal of calm exists in a sitting cat. ~Jules Reynard

Although all cat games have their rules and rituals, these vary with the individual player. The cat, of course, never breaks a rule. If it does not follow precedent, that simply means it has created a new rule and it is up to you to learn it quickly if you want the game to continue. ~Sidney Denham

You cannot look at a sleeping cat and feel tense. ~Jane Pauley

I was looking for quotes on rituals. However, what more ritualistic animal is there on earth than cats? Those people who don’t own a cat are missing out on saving electricity, since a cat is a furry alarm clock. Cats also condition their humans to feed them when they “demand” it. And cats, whether they meow or not, have trained their humans to give in to their commands – clean my litter box, brush me, pet me, go to bed, and all the other rituals that make human lives interesting when one has a four-legged furry love with paws and a tail.

Since I have no one else in my life, my day sometimes revolves around what Sasha wants or needs at certain times. This morning she was bouncing all over the bed, trying to wake me up. Other times she will come lay with me. Our nightly ritual is for her to lie next to me in bed while I watch television – yes, she has me well trained.

Everyone has rituals, whether they are spiritual or not. One of my spiritual rituals is to read my Bible each morning and pray for my friends, family, and those with special prayer needs. One of God’s rituals is to show me how much He loves me. In return, I thank Him for the blessings He bestows on me. And yes, one of those blessings is Sasha.

May God’s blessings be upon you, your family, friends, and any furkids you may have. This is the High Holy Week in the Christian religion, where God showered His blessings upon us through Jesus’ crucifixion. This was God’s ritual to show humanity He sacrificed His Son, Jesus for our forgiveness of sin. Hallelujah!

Michelle Rose

God and the Beasts of the Earth

My cat Sasha, one sweet but spoiled cat.

God and the Beasts of the Earth
April 16, 2011

"If all the beasts were gone, man would die from loneliness of spirit, for whatever happens to the beast, happens to the man. All things are connected. Whatever befalls the earth, befalls the sons of earth." Chief Seattle

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi

I am your servant, LORD, and you have kept your promise to treat me with kindness. Psalm 119:64-66 Contemporary English Version

Be Still and Know that I AM GOD. Psalm 46:10

So much goes on today that is sad, but that is the world – there cannot be joy without sadness. What makes me the saddest is abuse of women, children, and animals. The abuse of the last two in this group not only makes me sad, but also very angry, since they are the most helpless. I think about the commercial on tv for the largest animal organization in the US. One of the segments has a scraggly looking dog, shivering and looking very sad saying, “Why won’t they stop beating me.” And there are a multitude of animals in equally disheartening situations.

So, what do the above quotes above I know what it is and that is kindness. They are all tied together with a common thread. I’ve always heard the saying, “Practice random acts of kindness.” Well, I believe it’s not just a saying, but a directive to be kind where ever and whenever we can. It’s what God wants for me. I know Jesus treats me with kindness and love? He died for me so that I could be forgiven.

Ok, so many of you know how much I love animals. Why would God create animals if we weren’t to live in harmony with them? Yes, times have changed, but I don’t think God wants us to abuse animal. Notice I said abuse and there is more of that than even I realize. It’s frightening to hear all the news about the way many people treat animals. The destiny of people is inherently tied in with animals and nature. That’s not just my belief. Evidently God believed it to, otherwise why would the Lord have saved all the animals (alive at the time) on Noah’s ark when He destroyed the earth with the Great Flood?

May God rain his blessings upon you, your family, and any furkids you have. I almost sent this God’s Tug out last night, but I was in quite a bit of pain and had to get away from my computer. I’m glad I didn’t. This revised message is more in line with what I wanted to say, than last night’s blog.

Michelle Rose

My Mind and My Body

My Mind and My Body
April 8, 2011

My whole being, praise the Lord and do not forget all his kindnesses. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He saves my life from the grave and loads me with love and mercy. He satisfies me with good things and makes me young again, like the eagle.
Psalm 103:2-5 NCV

So many things have been going through my mind lately about what I look like. I’m not happy with my body image and my weight. I don’t feel at my best, knowing I’m at risk for health issues. Some time ago, I told my doctor I was interested in the lap band to help me lose weight, but after watching a Dr. Oz show I taped where they covered the subject of lap bands, I’m not so sure I want the surgery anymore. Yet, I know this is not an answer, only a help in losing weight. I have so much trouble controlling what I eat – I’m a compulsive overeater. Now that I’m unemployed or will be soon, I don’t know what I can afford to help me lose weight. I don’t believe in dieting. I do have a gym/heath club to which I can return, now that I’m feeling better.

Ok, here’s the big issue – my mind is in the way – of eating correctly, of getting to the gym, of doing so many things that would help me. I keep wondering what’s wrong with me (well, other than my compulsive overeating) and why I have this fear of moving forward. This verse is perfect – it lets me know that I’m not alone, so why do I feel this way?

I saw a new psychiatrist today and he adjusted my medications to help me with the depression part of my bi-polar disorder. Wow, he asked me all kinds of questions. I like him much better than the NP, so I’m going to continue with him even though I have to pay for the visits. Maybe if I can get my depression under control, then it will help me become more willing to keep away from my emotional/stress eating of junk food. I’m not looking for a quick fix, just some help getting out of this rut I’ve been stuck in for more than half a year. I’m tired of it. Praise God for loving me the way He does, because I sure haven’t been so in love with myself lately. Sigh…

God’s blessings upon you, your families, and your furkids (if any),
Michelle

Two Men

Two Men
April 6, 2011

1How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hid your face from me? 2 Ho long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? 3 Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give me light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death: 4 my enemy will say, “I have overcome him.” and my foes will rejoice when I fall. 5 But I trust in your unfailing love: my heart rejoices in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me. Psalm 13

19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. 20 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen. Philippians 4:19-20

When doing my meditations this morning I realized there were two men in the Bible to whom I look at as examples of Godly men. David wrote many of the Psalms and sang to God about everything. David complained. David told God of his fear. David praised God. David told God how angry he was at Him. David kind of smirked a little (I can’t think of any other word) when God destroyed his enemies. David told God he loved him. David asked for God’s help, but most of all, David told God he trusted Him. I’ve often heard many people say that someone is not supposed to pray for specific things. Using David’s example, it looks like it’s ok to ask God for almost anything in prayer.

As a Pharisee, Paul persecuted Jesus. We all know what happened to Paul on the road to Damascus. Paul’s writings are strong, passionate, and frank in their belief that Jesus as the Son of God. After his conversion, Paul didn’t have the rich life that David did as a king, or even a somewhat comfortable life as a shepherd and after everyone stopped trying to kill him (although David spent quite a bit of his life hiding in caves). Paul spent most of his life after his conversion in prison, in chains, shipwrecks, starving, in rags, and other struggles that make most of our lives appear easy. Yet, Paul stood up for God’s truth and he wasn’t going to let anyone persuade him otherwise. And did Paul ask Jesus for anything in prayer? I’m sure he did, but he spent much of his ministry teaching, admonishing, and helping people. His epistles show that Paul praised Jesus, in addition to being a teacher.

Two very different men. Two different approaches to God. Two men convinced in their faith. I’m not anything like these two men in their passionate approaches to our Lord. But in looking at them as examples, I do my best to follow what they did when praying to God and I thank my Father for the example of their lives that helps me move closer to Jesus.

God’s Blessings upon you, your families, and your furkids (if any).

Michelle Rose

Communication

If you wish to be taken off this mailing list or read God's Tug on another location, please email me. Here are the other two sites where this blog is posted: by email, notify me at monique.baby@gmail.com and www.wordchimes.com.

God's Blessings upon you, your families and furkids (if any).
Michelle Rose

Communication
April 4, 2011

I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face. Peace to you. The friends here send their greetings. Greet the friends there by name.
3 John 1:14 NIV

I often wonder what happened to conversations and letters between friends. For the most part now - I’ve fallen into this trap, too - much communication is done by email and texting, not speaking face-to-face or by phone. This morning I called my aunt and uncle in NJ. I had the most wonderful chat with my Uncle Angelo. We talked about what it was like back in the 40s (he knew more than I did about the early 40s) and how things were different when he served in the war. It was the longest conversation I had with him for a long time. Usually, I just ask to talk to my Aunt Nettie. I have friends where I live and although we’ve been friends for a long time, I usually hear from them only by a mass text message or email. I miss speaking to them. Ok, maybe they are having problems and don’t want to talk. But are we still friends? I was also thinking about when it was nice to get a card or letter in the mail; then came the technological revolution and now everything is done by email or texting (I’m not a big fan of the last, except for occasional ones). My two favorite ways of talking with someone I know are by phone or in person. I even bought some nice cards at Trader Joe’s to send out and they are still sitting here. This week, I’ll write these cards and mail them.

I think communication with Jesus is amazing. He’s never busy; never sends me text messages or email, and never turns away from me. The lines of communication and talking to God and my Saviour, Jesus are always open. I know it can’t always be like that in life, but it’s amazing to know that my God always has time to listen to me. He’s never going to be out of touch because of the technological revolution.

"F" Words; Don't Worry, It's Clean

"F" Words - It's clean don't worry
April 2, 2011

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:6 (New International Version, ©2011)

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
Psalm 119:9-11 (NIV)

Tonight when I fed my cat, I said to her, “Sasha, you want some food?” She immediately responded by bounding into the kitchen. Then I thought for her food is her “f” word. So many times, when society thinks in terms of the “f word,” it is only in the use of profanity. Here are some other “f words,” and their associations in God’s world.

Freedom – for someone living in a war-torn country, or under the rule of a dictatorship, it’s the ability to live without fear, or to worship how they choose.

Forgiveness – it’s the knowledge that when a wrong is done, there is grace beyond the mistake.

Faith – knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord exists and He watches over His creations no matter what happens.

Family – those around you who may be relations, friends, or companions in a common belief. For those who do not have blood relations, their friends are often their family.

Friends - non-relations sticking with others through good and bad times, and loving them unconditionally. It hurts when they pass out of your life for whatever reason.

Fun – that which is done to relieve seriousness and work.

Fingers – the appendages on hands for many uses in life, such as praying, typing, eating, or holding the hands of others.

Ok, these are just a few words with positive connotations beginning with the letter “f.” It’s not always linked with profanity. They are words that I associate with positive attitudes, what God would have me do in my life, and those that uplift me in the presence of negativity. And just so those reading this blog think I’m saying these things because I’m perfect, I want to tell you I’m definitely not. I’ve let a few of those other “f” words slip from my tongue and I have to ask Jesus for forgiveness.

If you prefer to read this blog elsewhere, either on www.wordchimes.com or by email, please send me an email telling me so. Also, if you would prefer to be dropped from God’s Tug. No hard feelings.

Blessings upon you, your families, and your furkids (if you have any).
Michelle Rose

Phobias

Everyone has phobias - fear of something. I have them, although some I've conquered or grown out of.

These are fears that I've never had, since I love animals, cats/dogs, and poetry:
Ailurophobia- Fear of cats.
Elurophobia- Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia)
Felinophobia- Fear of cats. (Ailurophobia, Elurophobia, Galeophobia, Gatophobia)
Zoophobia- Fear of animals.
Metrophobia- Fear or hatred of poetry.

These fears I still have, for instance, I won't get a closed MRI, only an open one. And if a bus or train is too crowded, I'll wait for the next one.
Claustrophobia- Fear of confined spaces.
Stenophobia- Fear of narrow things or places.

These phobias, I had when I was younger. I was terrified of bees and wasps, since I'd been stung by wasps as a child. I've overcome my fear of both of them. I've also overcome my fear to dentists, but it's still not my favorite place to go. As far as darkness, when I was very young, my room in one of the houses we lived in was at the end of a dark hall. I was terrified to walk to it - I always ran, but now I find rooms with low or no light soothing, simply because I know God is always with me.
I'm not in school anymore, but I had an extremely high test anxiety - even when I was allowed to take tests in a quiet room away from the classes I took.
Apiphobia- Fear of bees.
Spheksophobia- Fear of wasps.
Dentophobia- Fear of dentists.
Lygophobia- Fear of darkness.
Achluophobia- Fear of darkness.
Myctophobia- Fear of darkness.
Testophobia- Fear of taking tests.

Ok, these I'm still working on. The fear of ridicule comes from many experiences as a child and an adult. I always fear gaining weight, but have a long way to go before I can stop fearing it - or I'm not sure I ever will. Fear of staying single - I move back and forth between being glad and feeling different because I am.
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.
Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.
Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight.(Pocrescophobia)

This has happened so many times, that I'm not sure I fear it or expect it.
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting.

This phobia is a new one, due to some recent experiences. I have a plan for what I'll do to stop the fear, but I still have to put it into action, so I'd rather not say what it is. Sometimes that's why I enjoy being alone with Sasha. She loves me just as I am (like God), no matter what I do.
Laliophobia or Lalophobia- Fear of speaking.

Guess this is just something I needed to get out...

Michelle Rose

Those %#%@#^#^ Annoying Email

Ok, walk along this fence to a place where chain email disappears. ;-)

photobucket image - bokeh

Ok, this is going to sound a little angry, but it's a "rant" I need to air.

I get them all the time, those email that say "Send this out to 20 people in the next 10 minutes and something amazing will happen to you." I have to scroll down past tons of addresses to see the actual message. Sometimes I send them on because I like the message and think my friends will enjoy them, too. But I've gotten a bit rebellious in not being guilted into sending them on or by forwarding them. I delete all the email addresses. Yes, it is a pain in the hiney to delete them, but I backspace to do it. And, when I send out an email to my friends, I hit reply and send it to one person in the "to" box and then blind copy the rest.

Often, I've deleted them, just because I get tired of the dire consequences they predict if I don't. OH LOOK! I'm still here. I don't mean to insult any of my friends who sends me these email, as I do enjoy them for the most part. Of course, I get in the habit of sending these annoying chain email, too, but I do my best not to make a constant practice of it. Also, I mention in the email I send, there's no stipulation for sending them on. And most times it's not the email content itself that I mind, but the "guilt" message it contains.

When I sent one to my friends, I only picked a few, and delete all the time limits and consequences of not sending the email to anyone else. I want my friends to enjoy what I send, knowing that I sent it to them because I care for them, not them sending the email to countless millions of people.

Well, I guess chain mail has been around for a long time. At least with email, it doesn't cost postage, like it once did. ;-)

Asking and Caring

Photobucket Image by Speigel16

Have you ever asked that question that many people take for granted? Yes, the one for which we only expect a cursory answer. You know the one I mean? It rolls off our lips like winning coins coming out of a slot machine. The question is "How are you?"

Most of the time the answer is a one-word or less fly-by: "Fine," "Ok," "Lousy," or something of that nature. I have one online friend, who when I ask that question goes into great detail. Now, I know to expect this, but I'm also interested in how this friend really is doing at the moment. We've talked online and sometimes on the phone quite a number of times, so I know the situation.

I've often given detailed answers to this question, because sometimes a simple answer won't do and life (mine or anyone else's) can be complicated, rather than requiring a simple answer. If I didn't care about how my friends are, I wouldn't ask. Fortunately, I mostly have the time to listen to this friend and we can discuss what's happening in both our lives in detail. Maybe we can't help solve any situations at the time, but sometimes just talking things out and having someone listen helps.

I know when I was going through the challenging times where nothing appeared simple, I was very grateful for those who listened to me. I was also grateful they encouraged me to adopt a positive attitude no matter what events I was experiencing. Maybe friends will get tired of hearing you talk about the same thing if it goes on for too long (well, some aren't like this), but one sure thing is that God never tires of listening to us. And, He not only listens, He makes a way where there is none. How do I know this is true? Because it happens in my life over and over again.

So, next time you (or I) ask someone "How are you?" be prepared for an honest answer.

Lessons from Life - Weekend

Lessons from Life, Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Plans of Mice and (Wo)men

For the second time, I took the wrong medications in the morning. I took my night-time medications and had to go back to bed, since they make me sleepy. Ok, so I had a nice 4 hour nap and when I woke up, I was still quite drowsy.

The lesson here is not that I need more sleep, but to look first at my medications before I take them. To avoid this kind of mishap occurring again – since medication mix-ups can sometimes be more serious than just a nap – I’ve labeled the pill vials I use for my medications – “Day” and “Night.” A simple solution that I should have done the first time it happened. Lessons learned.

My gratitude for today is that I did get some extra sleep (possibly making up for the hour I lost at the beginning month?). LOL! But, it also gave me time to rest my back, which I’d injured on Friday, plus my knee, which I injured the beginning of February.
Resting in My Father’s Love, Michelle Rose
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Lessons from Life, Sunday, March 29, 2009

Humor Makes Life Lighter

I love to laugh, and sometimes I laugh at myself. Yet with the day I had today – it was difficult physically, I still managed to find time to laugh. Jesus, my Saviour, has walked me through some incredibly tough times. He’s never left me, even when I can’t feel Him there. Just as humor makes my life lighter – laughing at how silly I can be for worrying sometimes – so does Jesus make my life lighter by carrying my burden. This doesn’t make me laugh, but brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart thump just a bit harder, knowing Jesus loves me this much. His love of carrying my burdens makes it easier for me to laugh.

Yes, my gratitude is that Jesus loves me enough to bear what I can’t. As the hymn says, “What a friend [I] have in Jesus…”

Living in the Son-Light, Michelle Rose

E.G.B.O.K.

(If you look closely, you can see a bee inside the heart of this flower. I was once scared of these fascinating creatures, now I love to take photos of them when they land on flowers.)

Lessons from Life, Friday, March 27, 2009

E.G.B.O.K (Everything's going to be OK)

It’s almost over. Almost. But now I owe the city of LA money since I was an independent contractor for 1 ½ years and have to pay back the money I received to file bankruptcy, but on Monday I will file bankruptcy. Today I went to welfare to turn in my letter from SSA so I can receive my money back to pay for my Medicare. It didn’t take much time to take it away from me, but as is usual with the government, it takes them forever (well, around 2 months to return it).

Part 2…My friend Sharon has pointed out on more than one occasion that I don’t do anything to “treat” myself other than with food and that I don’t let out certain feelings when I’m hurting. How true. I don’t know how to reward myself with anything other than with food – it’s been my “shelter” too long. I hide in what I eat – it’s my way to cope. I’m no longer a practicing alcoholic, but I’ve continued my addiction with food, which is sometimes my way of expressing my feelings. I’ve got quite a bit of work to do on myself, now that I don’t have to concentrate so much on overwhelming problems. I have to relearn how to reward myself and to accept the person I am, other than as a person who is always overstressed and dealing with problems, since that’s who I’ve been for longer than I care to remember.

My gratitude today is that I went to the welfare office and didn’t totally freak out by having a major anxiety attack. I’m also grateful I met a guy – whether he calls or not, it was fun talking to him.

Comforted by my Saviour, Michelle Rose

Lessons from Life 3/16 to 3/25 - Catching Up...

Once again I've been a little lazy, but mostly in a place emotionally where I did not have the strength to post my lessons on this blog. I hope those who are following my lessons on here, will be happy they are updated.

Lessons from Life, Monday, March 16, 2009

Today it felt like the earth caved in on my life. I wasn’t even a parallel universe. It was just confusing. I’m not sure what kind of lesson I could have learned from the pit of hell I experienced myself being dropped into, but the pain today was terrible.

In catching up on my lessons, I will just summarize what it felt like going through these days. I know I was grateful for something, yet the pain and confusion simply overwhelmed me.
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Lessons from Life, Tuesday, March 17, 200

I continued trying to find answers for this confusion I am experiencing; answers that I couldn’t comprehend, even when I went to the sources I knew should have them. Maybe my shock was so deep that I could not understand even the simplest explanation. Maybe I couldn’t accept that life, as I had known it for the past couple years, was changing and I would have to find some way to figure out a new way to live and accept, finding the serenity that I could not feel enough to write these lessons. I felt incapable of it.

Again, I have much to be grateful for, but I was lost in a deep forest.
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Lessons from Life, Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Some of the pain came out today, to those which I least expected to express it to – strangers. Yet, between the physical and emotional pain, I was exploding, like a stuffed toy with the stuffing pouring out of split seams. I prayed to God to help me put it back in. But, He only gave me the peace of sleep. I remember using this analogy to my AA sponsor (Girl) Mike when she was alive. I also remember feeling this way too many times in my life. I put my life in the Lord’s hands and believe He loves me. Why, then, do I feel the desolation and depression that hangs over me like a huge black thunderhead?

Again, I ask a question I did in an earlier lesson. Is it wrong for me to want more? Then I wonder if I’m doing all I can to move past this point because it appears that no matter what I do, it still isn’t good enough.

Gratitude – talking with my friends and being with possible new friends at church.
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Lessons from Life, Thursday, March 19, 2009

I picked up the paperwork from the paralegal to file the bankruptcy. Then realized I’d have to have the filing fee before I went to court. I am sometimes so naïve, thinking I could just show up and they would allow me to sign a waiver. Maybe it doesn’t work that way. So once again, I had to scramble for the money to help me out of this nightmare that is almost over. Please God, let it almost be finished. Fortunately, family, friends, and a neighbor helped. This is my gratitude today. Soon, this particular hell will be in the past.

Still feeling vulnerable, Michelle
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Lessons from Life, Friday, March 20, 2009

The Miracle of Spring

“They [the Lord’s mercies] are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”
~Lamentations 3:23 KJV~

I woke up this morning and told God how tired I was. That’s all I could say, “God, I’m tired, very tired. I am so very tired.” Even though I’d just awakened, I had no energy from all the battles I’d had with different government agencies and preventing myself from being sued. The bankruptcy is not filed yet, but I will have the money I need for the filing fee soon, so the end of this challenge is in sight. The other challenge I had was thinking I was losing my medical coverage.

Last night on the way home from the paralegal, I was just so discouraged that I had to face another obstacle, that I just wanted to take drastic action to not have to face another thing. Obviously, I didn’t do that. This morning when I called SSA, my life turned around within a few seconds. That’s all it took. The Lord’s miracles come when I least expect them. Yes, my SSDI is less, but I will still be getting a good amount of disability. The $96 that I won’t receive in my check is what the feds will use to pay for my Medicare. I still have medical coverage.

I’ve known people who say they don’t believe in miracles, but all they need to do is take a look at my life. For all the challenges I’ve had in my life and still come through them, with the help of Jesus, I AM A MIRACLE.

My gratitude today is that I finally heard the answer I needed to hear and was able to understand it.

Standing on the Rock, Michelle
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Lessons from Life, Saturday, March 21, 2009

Beauty – From the Inside Out

Oscar Hammerstein, II:
“Do you love me because I'm beautiful, or am I am beautiful because you love me?”

Saturday, I saw a man whom I’d seen around Pasadena when I lived there and with whom I’d had a casual acquaintance – to say, “Hello, how are you?” However, I never knew his name and for some reason, never asked. So, when he walked into the restaurant where my friends and I were planning to have dinner, I finally found out his name, along with his friend, whom I’d never met before.

For much of my life, I’ve been judged from the outside in, but I’ve done my best not to be that way – although I must admit, I’ve fallen into that trap at times. Claude is not handsome by Tinsel Town standards, as he was possibly in some kind of accident, which burned his face, scarring it. I don’t know much about him and would not think to ask what happened. Yet, one thing has always attracted me to him – he has always been nice when we’ve talked. As a result, I see him from the inside out.

Isn’t that the way my friends and my Heavenly Father see me? I know is yes, since the dark valley I’m walking through has not come to an end yet. During this time I don’t always feel “beautiful,” but somehow an ugly part of life. Yet, Jesus loves me just as I am. In just writing that something struck my heart about His love.

My gratitude that day was that my friends loved me enough to help me out.

Walking in His Light, Michelle Rose
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Lessons from Life, Sunday, March 22, 2009

Changes, Changing, Changed

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France~

I long for changes in my life, but sometimes I wonder if it will ever come, since I can’t escape the rut I’ve been stuck in for so long. I strive to be changing in my thinking and attitude toward a much better future, yet can’t escape the circumstances that do not have me thinking beyond how I see things in my present. I desire to be changed in body, mind, spirit – physically, financially, emotionally – it’s so close, yet still feels so far out of reach.

My gratitude – having time to rest from the pain I was in this day.

Praying for Life Healing, Michelle Rose
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Lessons from Life, Monday, March 23, 2009

Oh Lord! When will that other window open?

Come unto me, ye who are weary and overburdened, and I will give you rest.
Bible, Matthew 11:28
I am so tired of what I’m going through. I keep thinking I’m coming to the end of this dark valley I’m in, then I have to wait longer and longer. I’m tired of talking about my life as it is. I’m tired of feeling like I do. I’m tired of not having any money.

I’m TIRED! (do you hear me Lord?)

I am grateful that a small check came today and that it won’t cost me too much to cash it at a check cashing place, so I don’t have to go to the bank.

One tired person, Michelle Rose
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Lessons from Life, Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The past several months have been quite a roller coaster in my life. Fortunately, even though I’m single and have often felt alone, I’ve never had to go through this long dark tunnel by myself. I’ve had friends near and far. I’ve had my family. But most of all, I’ve had a loving God who’s been with me the whole time and much of the time when I lacked the strength to take another step, He carried me. For all of this I’m grateful.

Protected under His Wings, Michelle Rose
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Lessons from Life, Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I didn’t make it to the DPSS office today to bring the letter from SSA reinstating my Medicare Part B. I’ll go tomorrow, before I go to Sharon’s. I pre-tested a new student. She’s in kindergarten and the youngest student I’ve ever had.

Tonight after coming home from the student’s house, I spent almost my last dollar on a box of cookies at the 99¢ store (they are now charging $1 for everything), then ate half the box (ok, it was a small box). On the way home I saw a mother and father with two young sons. They had just become homeless. I gave them the ½ box of cookies for the boys and after thinking about it, gave them the last dollar in my wallet, since I’ll be able to cash the other check I have and will be paid tomorrow from my tutoring company. I wished I had a $100 to give them so they could have spent the night in a motel. Before leaving them to return home, I prayed with them. Their plight struck me to the core, since their hell is just beginning, while mine will soon be over. I pray to God that they will find shelter and food soon.

I’m grateful for the Lord looking over me through this long, dark time I’ve had in my life and I praise Him for helping me find my way to the end of it. It will be over soon. I’m grateful for the time I have to take “mental health” days to return to work as a sub refreshed and to be able to have the time to help my friend Sharon – who needs me as much as I need her.

Realizing so much about this journey, Michelle Rose

Taking a Step Backwards

Lessons from Life, Monday March 9, 2009

Taking a Step Backwards

Hope I

the church’s leaded windows
stained glass
tilted upward for the breeze
air out the words
Jesus heals all
~Maureen Glaude, In Memoriam, Canadian poet, from Wordchimes.com~

I read these words today and they soothed me just as Maureen’s poetry always does. She was a special lady who took life as it came, grasping it with both hands. Many people loved Maureen in real life, online, in the poetry and Christian worlds. When cancer took this special lady, all who knew her whether personally or online felt a tremendous void in their lives.

I posted this today in my lesson, because I took a big step back in my thinking. Way back to a very dark and hurting place. I have come so far in facing challenges, yet certain things scare me into hysterical non-thinking, wanting easy solutions to problems. For a while, I forgot the Lord and forgot to ask His help, allowing my emotions to take over. Someone I contacted helped me resolve this challenge, although I must take two more actions to complete it – a letter and a phone call.

I ask these questions of the type of thinking that I slipped into today. Why do I think that my Lord can only handle some problems and not others? Why do I allow myself to become separated from Him, getting to the point of becoming so hysterical that I can’t take a breath? Why do I think that He only loves me in some situations and not others? I know none of this is true. Jesus has healed me in so many ways. And, in this situation – dealing with government agencies and my SSDI – He will guide me through the situation as well.

My gratitude today is how much patience God has with this imperfect person – me; more than I have with myself.

Cradled in the Arms of my Saviour, Michelle Rose

With Malice Aforethought

Lessons from Life, Monday, March 2, 2009

“With Malice Aforethought”

“If malice or envy were a tangible shape, and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.” ~Charley Reese. An American syndicated columnist, known for his plainspoken manner and conservative views. Born in 1937~

Quote from: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/malice.html

In my reading through the Bible in a year, I keep coming across the phrase “with malice aforethought.” Mostly it applies to murder, but in thinking about it, I can also have malice before an interaction with someone when I’m nasty, prejudiced, impatient; unaware of others’ needs by being too wrapped up in mine; loud, abrasive…in fact, it could cover just about any negative feeling or emotion.

This phrase stays with me as I go about my day and I check my thoughts and actions. Do I have malice aforethought? Am I treating others as I would have them treat me? Am I being as kind as is my normal characteristic? Am I doing what I know is right in the Lord’s sight? The Lord sets tough standards, but if I want to walk a Christian path, then I must follow them.

My gratitude today is that I finally received my upper partial to fill in the space where I lost teeth; my doctor called me back regarding my cholesterol med; I had the time to rest from its effects on my body, and God is always watching over me.

In His Grace, Michelle Rose

Sometimes I Wonder…

Lessons from Life, Monday, February 23, 2009

Sometimes I Wonder…

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." ~Erma Bombeck~

This morning started out beautifully. I put on some Sade and while listening to her sing “No Ordinary Love,” I prepared breakfast. While I was doing the dishes before breakfast (from the previous night), I daydreamed about how I wanted to decorate my apartment downstairs when I finally moved into it (it’s still in various stages of construction). When my breakfast was cooked I ate it as I read my email.

If I had shut the computer off when I finished breakfast, the day might have gone better – no it wasn’t a terrible day – jus wasted. Plus the fact, I didn’t eat nutritiously. I had several other quotes picked out, but when I saw this one by Erma Bombeck, it was like a 2 x 4. Eating and wasting time are big problems for me. I didn’t get much done today. Yeah, now am experiencing despair. The food is a major problem for me – very major. I’m not sure what kind of help to seek.

I do not normally do this in my lessons, but I’m asking those of you who read this and pray, to pray for me about this. I’m having a world of trouble giving up the eating which is killing me.

Today, I’m grateful that Sasha has been by my side the whole day, that God loves me even though I have trouble with my eating, that this day is almost over and I can start again tomorrow to attempt to do better with my eating.

In Jesus’ Incredible Love, Michelle