E.G.B.O.K.

(If you look closely, you can see a bee inside the heart of this flower. I was once scared of these fascinating creatures, now I love to take photos of them when they land on flowers.)

Lessons from Life, Friday, March 27, 2009

E.G.B.O.K (Everything's going to be OK)

It’s almost over. Almost. But now I owe the city of LA money since I was an independent contractor for 1 ½ years and have to pay back the money I received to file bankruptcy, but on Monday I will file bankruptcy. Today I went to welfare to turn in my letter from SSA so I can receive my money back to pay for my Medicare. It didn’t take much time to take it away from me, but as is usual with the government, it takes them forever (well, around 2 months to return it).

Part 2…My friend Sharon has pointed out on more than one occasion that I don’t do anything to “treat” myself other than with food and that I don’t let out certain feelings when I’m hurting. How true. I don’t know how to reward myself with anything other than with food – it’s been my “shelter” too long. I hide in what I eat – it’s my way to cope. I’m no longer a practicing alcoholic, but I’ve continued my addiction with food, which is sometimes my way of expressing my feelings. I’ve got quite a bit of work to do on myself, now that I don’t have to concentrate so much on overwhelming problems. I have to relearn how to reward myself and to accept the person I am, other than as a person who is always overstressed and dealing with problems, since that’s who I’ve been for longer than I care to remember.

My gratitude today is that I went to the welfare office and didn’t totally freak out by having a major anxiety attack. I’m also grateful I met a guy – whether he calls or not, it was fun talking to him.

Comforted by my Saviour, Michelle Rose