"The roots of true achievement lie in the will to become the best that you can become." ~Harold Taylor~
As I was walking home from the farmers' market today, I thought about freedom. Freedom comes in many forms - personal, physical, mental, financial, emotional, and governmental (and probably more). I have learned quite a bit about freedom in my life with the experiences I've had and the lessons these experiences have taught me. I don't smoke, drink, or use drugs, so I have freedom from substance abuse. I don't drive a car, so I have financial freedom from the expense of owning one. I don't own a house, so I don't have the expense of upkeep and repair. I don't eat certain foods, so I've lowered my risk of certain diseases.
Yet aside from all of this, when I think about freedom, it goes much deeper than that. I think true freedom comes from within - from the way I look at life and how I process my environment. I don't have to own many of the material possessions that some people feel equate freedom - and to them they might and that's ok. Although I do have certain possessions in my life and they help, freedom comes from the beauty I see around me, a God in my life and His love, good memories of times like yesterday - a bunch of poets and teachers having dinner after a poetry reading, or being in a quiet apartment with my cat next to me. Freedom is an abstract concept although it can have concrete manifestations.
Most of all, freedom is looking back from where I've come to where I am now and not worrying about where I'll be going, since I know that's not in my hands, but in the hands of someone greater than I am.
The following is a poem I wrote about a picture I saw online for another project I'm writing poems for - the return of people to the internment camp at Manzanar. One photo struck me particularly. Maybe this is what started my thinking about freedom.
pierced heart
in darkness my heart
is pierced by that from
which i can't escape
an unwilling
prisoner of hate
not because of what
i am only because
my association with
events make me who i am
free me to love again
as i once did unwrap
this wire from my spirit
Showing posts with label sobriety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sobriety. Show all posts
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Joy of Life
"I define joy as a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace - a connection to what matters." ~Oprah Winfrey~
I woke up this morning in a wonderful mood. I ate breakfast and then left to go to the bank, the pet store, the library, the health food store, and Albertson's (food store). In fact, I didn't just ride there, but took the bus to the bank, then walked from there to the other places, then walked back down again almost to Vermont and Prospect.
As I was walking up the hill to the pet store, library, and healthfood store, I realized that, "Gee, I'm out before 12 p.m. and I'm exercising!"
I was feeling quite well most of the day, then when I was tutoring my student, a ferocious headache descended on me. Still, I was not going to let it ruin my day. I think it happened because of something I ate today. I appear to be getting more sensitive to certain foods.
I finished the book, The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite, by David A. Kessler, MD. This book examines and approaches compulsive overeating from such a different viewpoint, not only from the point of view of the compulsive overeater, but also the food and diet industries and others. It's an incredible book and has helped me immensely. I am more aware of what I eat and the results of eating certain foods. This, to me, is part of the joy of life, that I have made a breakthrough in something that has controlled me for many, many years.
I woke up this morning in a wonderful mood. I ate breakfast and then left to go to the bank, the pet store, the library, the health food store, and Albertson's (food store). In fact, I didn't just ride there, but took the bus to the bank, then walked from there to the other places, then walked back down again almost to Vermont and Prospect.
As I was walking up the hill to the pet store, library, and healthfood store, I realized that, "Gee, I'm out before 12 p.m. and I'm exercising!"
I was feeling quite well most of the day, then when I was tutoring my student, a ferocious headache descended on me. Still, I was not going to let it ruin my day. I think it happened because of something I ate today. I appear to be getting more sensitive to certain foods.
I finished the book, The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite, by David A. Kessler, MD. This book examines and approaches compulsive overeating from such a different viewpoint, not only from the point of view of the compulsive overeater, but also the food and diet industries and others. It's an incredible book and has helped me immensely. I am more aware of what I eat and the results of eating certain foods. This, to me, is part of the joy of life, that I have made a breakthrough in something that has controlled me for many, many years.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Staying Close to God
"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Ps 119:11 from the DailyBibleVerse.org
I have many friends, some are Christians others are not. When I go to AA meetings, some people use profanity. It's something I'm not entirely successful at eliminating from my vocabulary, although I do my best to honor God with clean language. Each morning I begin the day by reading God's word and meditating on the message for that day. I also read several chapters from the book of the Bible I'm reading at the time - right now it's Isaiah.
The more I practice the principles God would have me follow, the easier it is to resist following those who choose the way of the world. God's word lives in my heart and it follows that I will choose to show others what loving God means by acting that way He would have me live.
I have many friends, some are Christians others are not. When I go to AA meetings, some people use profanity. It's something I'm not entirely successful at eliminating from my vocabulary, although I do my best to honor God with clean language. Each morning I begin the day by reading God's word and meditating on the message for that day. I also read several chapters from the book of the Bible I'm reading at the time - right now it's Isaiah.
The more I practice the principles God would have me follow, the easier it is to resist following those who choose the way of the world. God's word lives in my heart and it follows that I will choose to show others what loving God means by acting that way He would have me live.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Self-Acceptance
"We know that God lovingly watches over us. We know that when we turn to Him, all will be well with us, here and hereafter." Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 105
Recently, I returned to AA meetings. Being with other recovering alcoholics and working a program feels good, very good. One problem I consistently struggle with is self-acceptance. I've always measured myself by the yardstick of how others look and feel. After 30 years of sobriety it's become better and I look not so much at others, but look to myself and how I can become more of the person I want to be with God's guidance.
When God looks at me, He does so through the blood of Christ Jesus, who shed it for my forgiveness. It makes sense then, that I look at myself not from my own point of view, not through others' eyes, but through God's eyes. I may not be perfect, but God loves me just the way I am, because of Christ's intervention. That's an amazing thought.
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I would like to hear from those who read this blog. If something I say helps you or touches your life. Please feel free to leave comments. Thank you.
Recently, I returned to AA meetings. Being with other recovering alcoholics and working a program feels good, very good. One problem I consistently struggle with is self-acceptance. I've always measured myself by the yardstick of how others look and feel. After 30 years of sobriety it's become better and I look not so much at others, but look to myself and how I can become more of the person I want to be with God's guidance.
When God looks at me, He does so through the blood of Christ Jesus, who shed it for my forgiveness. It makes sense then, that I look at myself not from my own point of view, not through others' eyes, but through God's eyes. I may not be perfect, but God loves me just the way I am, because of Christ's intervention. That's an amazing thought.
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I would like to hear from those who read this blog. If something I say helps you or touches your life. Please feel free to leave comments. Thank you.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Surprising Changes
Today started out wonderfully. I slept well last night and managed not to wake up during the night. I made it to the womens' AA meeting I tried to get to last week. They were on Step 10, "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." I believe when I write these Lessons from Life, I'm doing just that. In the 3 years or so I didn't go to meetings, I continued to work the program.
On Saturday and today, I took a cake for 30 years of sobriety. Today two other women took cakes also. It was nice to share our sober birthdays with each other and the group. Womens' meetings have always been special to me, since I we can share things in them that we can't in mixed meetings.
After the meeting, I went to lunch at my favorite vegan restaurant, went downtown and bought a pair of silver studs to replace the one I'd lost, so I can have two matching earrings, then went to Out of the Closet (thrift store) and bought a pair of pants and 3 shirts. The shirts were colors that I previously would not have considered - yellow, dusty pink, and red. Mostly what I wear are dark colors or grey. I believe God is changing my heart and thoughts about myself. I am looking at myself differently than I once did. What an amazing God I believe in who loves me without end. WOW!
On Saturday and today, I took a cake for 30 years of sobriety. Today two other women took cakes also. It was nice to share our sober birthdays with each other and the group. Womens' meetings have always been special to me, since I we can share things in them that we can't in mixed meetings.
After the meeting, I went to lunch at my favorite vegan restaurant, went downtown and bought a pair of silver studs to replace the one I'd lost, so I can have two matching earrings, then went to Out of the Closet (thrift store) and bought a pair of pants and 3 shirts. The shirts were colors that I previously would not have considered - yellow, dusty pink, and red. Mostly what I wear are dark colors or grey. I believe God is changing my heart and thoughts about myself. I am looking at myself differently than I once did. What an amazing God I believe in who loves me without end. WOW!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Replacement Habits
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Replacement Habits
“Habit is a man's sole comfort. We dislike doing without even unpleasant things to which we have become accustomed.” ~Goethe
I am a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for nearly 30 years from drugs and alcohol, but addiction persists in other ways. Today, I received an email from someone who mentioned a problem that I have relating to addiction (and I imagine many others do, too) - that is when I manage to gain control over one type of food or habit, I replace it with another one. It's quite frustrating to me and I often wonder when this chain of events will end. I was in another 12-step program at one point and we used the concept of circles: inner circle behavior was that to avoid; middle circle behavior was questionable, and outer circle behavior was acceptable.
I have been meaning to make a circles chart for the food I can and cannot eat. I did this once early in my emotional recovery for the emotions and behaviors. My therapist at the time showed me how to do it, even before I got in the 12-step program. Foods are neither bad nor good, but are those that I can or cannot eat with normal control. One example is peanut butter. I do not buy it because every time I do, I eat it straight from the jar. Baby carrots are an example of a food I can buy. I have never binged on baby carrots.
I will make doing my circles an assignment to complete before I write my next Lessons from Life - the go one inside each other. It will give me clarity as to where my safety and danger zones are. It is one thing to know in my mind what they are; it’s another to see them before me in black and white.
Michelle Rose
Replacement Habits
“Habit is a man's sole comfort. We dislike doing without even unpleasant things to which we have become accustomed.” ~Goethe
I am a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for nearly 30 years from drugs and alcohol, but addiction persists in other ways. Today, I received an email from someone who mentioned a problem that I have relating to addiction (and I imagine many others do, too) - that is when I manage to gain control over one type of food or habit, I replace it with another one. It's quite frustrating to me and I often wonder when this chain of events will end. I was in another 12-step program at one point and we used the concept of circles: inner circle behavior was that to avoid; middle circle behavior was questionable, and outer circle behavior was acceptable.
I have been meaning to make a circles chart for the food I can and cannot eat. I did this once early in my emotional recovery for the emotions and behaviors. My therapist at the time showed me how to do it, even before I got in the 12-step program. Foods are neither bad nor good, but are those that I can or cannot eat with normal control. One example is peanut butter. I do not buy it because every time I do, I eat it straight from the jar. Baby carrots are an example of a food I can buy. I have never binged on baby carrots.
I will make doing my circles an assignment to complete before I write my next Lessons from Life - the go one inside each other. It will give me clarity as to where my safety and danger zones are. It is one thing to know in my mind what they are; it’s another to see them before me in black and white.
Michelle Rose
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Getting Back to What Stopped Me from Dying
Lessons from Life, Saturday, February 21, 2009
Getting Back to What Stopped Me from Dying
“Saints are sinners who kept on going.” ~Robert Louis Stevenson~
“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Buddhist Saying~
“I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.” ~Author Unknown~
“Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down.” ~Charles F. Kettering~
“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.” ~Robert Schuller~
All quotes from www.quotegarden.com
Every one of these quotes inspired me tonight to write Saturday’s Lessons from Life. I went with a friend to an AA meeting last night. It was a while since attending a 12 step meeting. The topic was gratitude and if I had not had the perseverence (the topic of these quotes) I would not be the person I am today. Getting back to what stopped me from dying - the meetings – I heard people who are still struggling with their sobriety.
With the help of God and the willingness to go one day at a time without a drink or drug, I’ve become a me I never expected to be. Somehow, deep in my mind, I might have wanted to be like I am now, though.
My gratitude today is being alive, sober, and loved by Jesus and my friends. WOW! that’s a whole boatload to be grateful about!
Under His Wings, Michelle Rose
Getting Back to What Stopped Me from Dying
“Saints are sinners who kept on going.” ~Robert Louis Stevenson~
“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Buddhist Saying~
“I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.” ~Author Unknown~
“Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down.” ~Charles F. Kettering~
“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
“Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.” ~Robert Schuller~
All quotes from www.quotegarden.com
Every one of these quotes inspired me tonight to write Saturday’s Lessons from Life. I went with a friend to an AA meeting last night. It was a while since attending a 12 step meeting. The topic was gratitude and if I had not had the perseverence (the topic of these quotes) I would not be the person I am today. Getting back to what stopped me from dying - the meetings – I heard people who are still struggling with their sobriety.
With the help of God and the willingness to go one day at a time without a drink or drug, I’ve become a me I never expected to be. Somehow, deep in my mind, I might have wanted to be like I am now, though.
My gratitude today is being alive, sober, and loved by Jesus and my friends. WOW! that’s a whole boatload to be grateful about!
Under His Wings, Michelle Rose
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